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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?